The Beauty of the Collective: Overcome Social Isolation to Create a More Fulfilling Life
- kathleenejenkins
- Apr 4, 2024
- 6 min read
As a teenager, my sanctuary was a dimly lit room - my personal retreat from the weight of the world. Caught up in a mountain of thoughts and heavy emotions, I’d ask myself the question “Why me?” Of course I’d get no answer, but it was a question that adequately summed up how I felt: confused, alone, singled out. I wanted to understand why I felt so out of place, so utterly alone. The answer was not going to come to me in my solitude because the truth was that it wasn’t just me. Little did I know, at those very moments, there were a multitude of other humans feeling and struggling with the exact same things that I was.
How is it that in a time when social connection is at our fingertips, loneliness and isolation are so widespread? Despite the digital window into others' lives, we often find ourselves grappling with our struggles in solitude. More and more it becomes clear that digital proximity is not enough to trump the mental remoteness through which we tend to process our lives and experiences. Unfortunately, this remoteness has detrimental effects on our human experience as we figure out how to navigate the hardships and successes of life.
The reality is that we are never truly alone. Despite our strong identification with individuality, we are each integral parts of a collective entity. Murrin (2022) characterizes this collective as a "biological system that self-organizes," wherein every individual functions as a cell within a larger organism. We collectively process information and experience shared emotions that heavily influence our individual feelings. However, this doesn't negate individuality or choice; rather, it underscores our tendency to underestimate the extent to which we are interconnected and reliant on one another within the broader human group.
In a culture that champions individualism and separateness as aspirational, it might feel unsettling, even intimidating, to acknowledge our inherent alikeness and interconnectedness. We are conditioned to associate achievement with isolation, often valuing exclusivity and seclusion. However, our indoctrination into the belief that individualism guarantees safety and stability inadvertently undermines our collective strength. Perceiving life solely through the lens of personal journeying can obscure the significance of shared experiences and challenges, rendering it difficult to derive meaning from life's trials and setbacks. Moreover, this narrow adherence to individualistic principles can hinder our ability to derive purpose from our accomplishments.
The Need for Support and Connection
Deep within us lies an instinctual yearning for connection and belonging. Maslow's hierarchy of needs maps out this fundamental aspect of human nature, positioning love and belonging as a pivotal bridge between our most basic survival needs and higher aspirations. Once our physiological needs are met, we're driven to seek connections beyond ourselves, essential for achieving self-actualization.
Social isolation and mental health
The loneliness epidemic has been a topic of discussion in health and social science fields for years now with 52% of Americans reporting feeling lonely. Surprisingly, it’s the younger generations, 18-24 year olds, who make up almost one third (27%) of the surveyed lonely population. Loneliness rates don’t seem to be slowing down either. On the contrary, loneliness has been increasing in the US since the 1980s.
The ramifications of this social disconnection stretch beyond emotional distress, permeating our physical and mental health. Increasingly, we recognize connection and belonging as fundamental human needs essential for overall well-being and longevity, irrespective of age or life stage. Social isolation and loneliness have been associated with a range of health issues, including depression, anxiety, cognitive decline, and compromised immune function (Novotney, 2019). Research emphasizes the significant influence of social isolation on health outcomes, underscoring the critical role of social support systems in fostering resilience and facilitating recovery.
Social support systems are actually one of the most significant factors in individual resilience and recovery in light of adversity. Whether dealing with environmental disaster, death, disease, scarcity, or any of the life events we can’t control, having a community or social system is consistently a strength not only in terms of tangible resources, but psychologically and meta-physically. Individuals with healthy social systems are better able to self-soothe and emotionally regulate in spite of the ups and downs of life.
The research is very clear: We need one another! We benefit from viewing ourselves as a part of a whole. We are strengthened multi-dimensionally by having people to share our lives with. While our nervous systems are stressed by isolation, our bodies respond to and feel comforted by support at a cellular level.
Embracing Collective Suffering
Collective suffering speaks to the shared experiences of tragedy and trauma that bind us as humans. It's the thread that weaves through our existence, reminding us that amidst our individual struggles, we're part of a broader tapestry of human experience. While it doesn't erase our pain, acknowledging our collective suffering can offer solace and perspective during life’s hardest times.
Life presents us with numerous challenges that demand resilience. By embracing collective suffering, we can connect with others experiencing similar pain and struggles. This realization reassures us that our emotions are not solitary; many individuals have navigated similar hardships and emerged resilient. Their survival serves as a beacon of hope, reminding us of our own capacity to endure and overcome. As they have survived, so can we.
Additionally, embracing the broader spectrum of human existence provides us with a compassionate outlook. In times of loss, we often grapple with existential questions, seeking understanding and meaning in our experiences. Collective suffering reminds us that our struggles are inherent to the human condition, devoid of personal fault or deficiency. It offers reassurance that amidst our individual tribulations, others share similar sentiments, affirming the normalcy of our human experience.
Finding Comfort in Unity
There's solace in recognizing that we're not solitary islands but interconnected threads in the fabric of humanity. Across the board, feeling part of something bigger than oneself is linked to numerous mental health benefits from lower anxiety and depression, as well as greater happiness and self-esteem. Despite our differences, we often find ourselves united in times of hardship, tragedy, or outrage. These are often the things that remind us that we’re not in control, that we are a small part of something greater than us, forcing us to put down the fences used to separate ourselves. We realize our vulnerability and look to one another for a sense of stability.
Cultivating Community
I wish that it were easier to feel our interconnectedness in this day and age; however, the truth of the matter is that building community requires intentional effort. Whether looking for local sports groups, support groups, memberships to join, or even talking to people at your local coffee shop, bar, or park. Take the initiative to intentionally seek out and nurture relationships with people who value community.
Change your mindset. Look for the similarities between you and others instead of only the differences. It's surprising how alike we are and how many similar experiences and feelings we share. Change your goal from keeping people out to letting healthy people in. Look to relate, exchange, learn from, and contribute to others around you.
Realize that building relationships takes time. Allow yourself to gradually acclimate to a sense of community. Allow relationships to develop over time through consistent effort. Keep showing up to spaces that are safe and healthy.
Identify your own mental and emotional barriers. If you notice you have a pattern of struggling to form deep relationships, now is the time to look into why that may be. Meeting regularly with a licensed professional therapist is a great way to begin or continue your mental health journey and work on creating space for meaningful relationships in your life.
Utilize technology and social media platforms to discover virtual communities. Seek out online platforms that offer safe environments with well-defined communities. Engage in moderated discussions, embracing vulnerability, and intentionally exchanging ideas with others. Exercise caution and consider taking advantage of opportunities to transition virtual relationships into real-world connections, while ensuring your own safety.
There’s no way around the intentional effort and a shift in mindset required to build a social support system. It's about seeking out opportunities for connection, whether in physical spaces or virtual realms. By embracing our similarities, nurturing relationships, and investing time in genuine connections, we gradually cultivate a sense of belonging that enriches our lives immeasurably.
Conclusion
Being human means belonging to a global community that transcends borders and differences. It's a recognition of our shared humanity and interconnectedness. I encourage you to dismantle the mentality of individualism, understanding that you are meant to relate to others as a part of something bigger - the human collective. As South African human rights activist, Desmond Tutu, beautifully articulated…
"If we could but recognize our common humanity, that we do belong together, that our destinies are bound up in one another's, that we can be free only together, that we can be human only together, then a glorious world would come into being where all of us lived harmoniously together as members of one family, the human family."
Embrace every opportunity to acknowledge your common humanity. You are not alone in this journey; you belong to a human family. Let’s prioritize the bonds that unite us, for within each other, we discover belonging, purpose, and the fulfillment of our deepest human needs.
Resources:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4780285/#:~:text=Social%20support%20from%20one%27s%20community,with%20adverse%20events%20and%20conditions.
https://medium.com/invisible-illness/the-secret-to-being-part-of-something-bigger-eacf79da36f2#:~:text=The%20most%20often%20cited%20benefits,enhance%20and%20support%20our%20wellbeing.
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